Birthday with the Spanx from Hell

My birthday is coming up so I thought I would take the time to write about a couple of memorable birthday experiences. The first one up is my first birthday working at Three Muses Clothing. Now this is a two part story.
I have to admit that my birthday always seems to hit during the perfect time of year, May 21st. There is always tons of stuff to do! On this particular birthday there was a Drive-In Movie convention and a rockabilly concert right down the road. So Candy, Bridget, and I decided to dress up as Zombie prom queens! I made a cute classic horror dress, zombie waist cincher, and painted white streaks in my hair ala Frankie Stein!
Our first stop on our day of birthday adventure was the sci-fi convention…which was absolutely dead!!!! And they had Sid Haig and Pam Grier! I have to admit it was kind of nice because we got to talk to the celebrities and I even made Sid Haig laugh. Score 1 for the birthday girl! After wondering around for a bit we headed to the hotel bar to meet our buddy Dementia Grimm. Now something you should know about us is that we always have a drink, of the adult kind, with us and we had been enjoying them for a bit now. And said beverages go quickly through the system especially when you have a corset, fishnets, stockings and spanx. I was sitting at the bar gabbing away when all of a sudden I had to piss like noooo tomorrowwww!!!! I ran to the bathroom with the girls and quickly realized that it was probably not a good idea to wear a corset over my spanx that were pulled up to my bra. Not even the Hulk could have pulled my damn spanx down! All I could think to do was tell Candy to get her husband’s knife. She ran out of the bathroom giggling while I did the greatest pee dance of my life. As soon as she came back I grabbed the knife and slit the crotch of my spanx open. Luckily, I did not cut my lady parts. When I gave her husband back his knife he told me to never mention this again…he says that a lot to me.
So after that bit of fun it was time to grab a bite to eat at Chicago Pizza. As soon as the hostess saw us in our zombie finest she quickly took us to the back room where an incredibly handsome waiter covered in tattoos met us. After he took our order, Pat (Bridget’s husband) decided that he would give me a birthday gift aka a date with the waiter. So when the waiter came back Pat drunkenly told him that I was single and that I looked good. I guess Pat’s matchmaking skills worked because as I was going to the bathroom to check on a puking Candy he gave me his number.
After Candy was able to loosen her grip on the toilet, her and her husband went home while Pat, Bridget and I headed to the concert. We hung out for a bit watching the show and Pat piggy back ride on a stranger through a fountain before we decided to head a goth club. Apparently, Pat was feeling good about his matchmaking skills and decided to set me up with an actor friend.
Now here is a little tip for all you single guys out there; “DON’T TALK ABOUT ANOTHER GIRLS’ BOOBS!!!” And, that is exactly what this Prince Charming decided to do. The only good part about this mini date was when Pat was talking to us, stood up all of a sudden, exclaimed “Oh, I farted.” then walked off. Happy birthday to me…

Stay tuned for next time when I talk about my date with the waiter!ImageImage

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